????

I didn't know what to put in the title so I just put ? marks. Well I am sure you already know, but we did come home and are very happy to be here! Trinity has had a pretty good week other then she vomited Wednesday night and Thursday morning. She also had diarrhea this week too, but never ran a fever so I wasn't overly concerned. We kinda don't know what to think at this point, did the shunt revision work?... or did it not? Dr. Haines would like to wait about 3 weeks before we proceed with anything else. At that time they will do a shunt series x-ray and an MRI of the head and spine. Then after we do this we will go from there and see if we need to start looking at her upper and lower GI. I also need to make an eye appointment this week to have her eyes checked. I am going to stop right here and just explode for a minute or maybe an hour!!

When your child goes through 8 surgeries, many days in the hospital, many doctor appointments, many needle pokes, physical therapy twice a week, did I say many doctor appointments, can't eat like a child at her age should, has lost weight and can't gain any back, you start to wonder "WHEN" do things start to look UP for Trinity? It is frustrating!!! I don't complain to much on this blog, but I have discovered that this blog is what helps me get through all of this along with the strength and grace of God! So if you don't want to hear me complain then I suggest you don't read my blog.

I remember the day when Aubree was a baby and would get her vaccine shots. I remember thinking how horrible it was and how I couldn't wait for the day that she didn't have to have those horrible things done every couple months. Now I have a 14 month old, STRONG child that has been poked more then I can count, along with all the other things I listed above. As we left the hospital this week one of the nurses made a comment "hopefully this is your last visit here Trinity" and my reply was "we hope that everytime, but unfortunately we end up here again and again". Trinity cries at the sight of her doctors, it is almost like she knows what is to come and that absolutely breaks my heart. Now I have to have her eyes checked and for most people that seems like a minor task, but to me it seems HUGE. Everytime I take Trinity to get checked by doctors I always walk out with bad news. My daughter will possibly not walk and if she does it will be a long time before she gets the strength to. So for me by taking her to the eye doctor I have a fear that we will add one more disability to the list and she will need glasses to help her see better. "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT!!" But I know I have to take her because the Neurosurgeon says so and her PT says that she needs to be seen also.

Please don't feel sorry for me, but for Trinity. I don't want pity I just want prayer! I am angry, frustrated, and MAD! Why my beautiful daughter? I will tell you what I don't want to hear right now, "Because God has a GREAT plan for her". Why does Trinity have to be used to benefit other people? Put your child in Trinity's shoes for just a minute. Think of all the wonderful things your kids have experienced and got to do. Now imagine how their life would be if your child was Trinity. It sucks and it is hard! I always tell myself that there is someone that has it worse then us, but I still find myself frustrated because I am still living this everyday. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE and TRUST God and his plan for Trinity, but sometimes I just get to a BREAKING point and want to scream! Maybe I should get a punching bag?!?!

Okay enough with this post I am done complaining and whining.

Aubree is finally back home and we are so happy to be together again!! We need to detox her of all the sugar she ate at both grandparent's! Have a great week and I will try to update you all more as we have some appointments this week.